FoReVer YoUnG

I can't stop thinking of the senseless tragedy that happen in Connecticut.  It hits close to home for me I guess because I have been working in high schools for almost 10 years now.  There isn't one week that goes by that I don't have some kind of thought of that happening in "my" school.  No I don't have kids and people always tell me that you will think and feel different when you have a child of your own. Well I do have kids, many kids and they are my past and present students.  Some of my students come from "families" that you and I could never in your dreams imagine living in.  I feel at times that I need to protect them from their own life.  I am their Mother figure while they are at school and look forward to seeing and talking with them on Mondays when return.  They are my life and I know this is a job that was meant for me.  It is the hardest, most rewarding job I have ever had.  I love my students!  May they stay FoReVer YoUnG!

nO AiR

I really like this song.  It talks about a relationship with "No Air". This is the relationship I am having with my life.  It is hard to breathe.  I feel stifled in allot of my relationship with others, places, and, myself. I feel like I am down at the bottom of a very deep hole and I can see no light at all.  It is a good thing that I can at least recognize that I am there this time. I try to look at the positive things going on.  But I seem to get nowhere. My hole has some very slippery sides and I feel at times to have no energy to climb anymore.  Again I am not wanting your pity or for you to feel sorry for me.  I am being honest with you and myself.  I am just trying to show you how my carzy brain thinks.
This is a hard time for me. 
My dog Cerberus was going through allot of pain at this time.  We put him to sleep the day after Halloween. It was like losing a child to me.  Someone who was my friend when I needed an listening ear, my t.v. buddy, my companion, who was always excited when I came home no matter how long I had been gone, etc.
 October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  I think of my Mom and all the other people fight with cancer. The memories of wanting to help. protect, be a support so far away.  I wish I could of done more.  The what if game, I am a poor loser and I want to cheat sometimes too.
The weather is changing here in Klamath Falls. I do like the fall colors and wearing my jeans, hoodies, long sleeved tees, etc.  But, with cold weather comes cloudy days, not allot of sun and warmth. I know sometimes my thoughts about the changing weather make no sense but, this is how I feel.  I need to be true to my thoughts and feelings.  Someone has to.  I just want to take a breath, that is all.

oRdiNaRy WorLD

I heard this song this week on one of my favorite t.v. shows "Private Practice".  Duran Duran is one of my all time favorite bands, so I was surprised how much I loved the remake of this song, Ordinary World by Cary Brothers.

HoLD oN

This is a part of my life that I have kept hidden from allot of my friends and family for a long time.  When I heard David Archuleta's version of R.E.M.'s song "Hold On" it got me thinking of my own struggles every day with depression, anxiety, and suicide. This song says, "When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on Don't let yourself go Everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes." I have had allot of those times that I have wanted to let go. I am tired.  But, something, someone or something I have heard eventually pulls me back and I see the light at the end of the tunnel, again.

I am not telling you this part of my life for you to feel sorry for me.  I am telling you because it make it real now.  I am not wanting to hide anymore. I am free now.  That people with my issues can survive and they make another day, week or year.  I CAN change!

Sassy Do

It's been quite a while since my last post.  Yes I am still kicking, some days less and some more.  This is my new sassy do.  I say it is sassy because it is like I turned into my alter ego. I look in the mirror and I see someone who is a person that I would like to be.  I look like I have confidence, I like myself, I have it together, etc.  So, here's to my new self.  YOU GO GIRL!!! 

Topsy

Baby Oak Tree

Pull Top Pop Can. Does anyone remember these?

Pelicans!!! My favorite birds :)))

Have a Helena Day!!!

Bradley and I went camping at Topsy Reservoir. I am not a huge fun of camping but, I Loved this camping trip. Why? Because we were the only campers in the whole campground, seeing and taking pictures of pelicans, beautiful scenery, etc. Can't wait for the next trip!

Tell me what you like about camping and what was your favorite camping trip.

This is a picture of Bradley receiving the Hometown Hero Award a few years ago. I am using this picture because I have no other pictures of Bradley in his military uniform. Because of Bradley military service and countless other military personel, we have Independence Day. Bradley and I have been saying Happy Independence Day instead of Happy 4th of July. Why?...Beacause We think we need to remember that this day is about our Independence, freedom,