nO AiR

I really like this song.  It talks about a relationship with "No Air". This is the relationship I am having with my life.  It is hard to breathe.  I feel stifled in allot of my relationship with others, places, and, myself. I feel like I am down at the bottom of a very deep hole and I can see no light at all.  It is a good thing that I can at least recognize that I am there this time. I try to look at the positive things going on.  But I seem to get nowhere. My hole has some very slippery sides and I feel at times to have no energy to climb anymore.  Again I am not wanting your pity or for you to feel sorry for me.  I am being honest with you and myself.  I am just trying to show you how my carzy brain thinks.
This is a hard time for me. 
My dog Cerberus was going through allot of pain at this time.  We put him to sleep the day after Halloween. It was like losing a child to me.  Someone who was my friend when I needed an listening ear, my t.v. buddy, my companion, who was always excited when I came home no matter how long I had been gone, etc.
 October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  I think of my Mom and all the other people fight with cancer. The memories of wanting to help. protect, be a support so far away.  I wish I could of done more.  The what if game, I am a poor loser and I want to cheat sometimes too.
The weather is changing here in Klamath Falls. I do like the fall colors and wearing my jeans, hoodies, long sleeved tees, etc.  But, with cold weather comes cloudy days, not allot of sun and warmth. I know sometimes my thoughts about the changing weather make no sense but, this is how I feel.  I need to be true to my thoughts and feelings.  Someone has to.  I just want to take a breath, that is all.